Category Archives: toddlers

First Public Parental Shaming

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Today was the first time I was publicly shamed for my parenting. Maybe I should consider myself lucky since I have gone five years without this happening, but right now, the rage is still real.

We were at 11:30 mass this morning with Reese and James, and to us, it was just a normal Sunday. James had dropped his train about 317 times and had asked for us to pick it up 317 times. Maybe the 5th time he asked us, the elderly woman in front of us turned around, looked at James and said, “whisper! whisper!” in a semi-aggressive tone. Andrew and I looked at each other. This was just the beginning of it all and we were already pissed.

James is 2.5 years old and doesn’t give a damn if you are supposed to be quiet somewhere.  At this point, I had actually thought he was having a pretty good day. Five minutes later, the woman turned around, and this is what she said, verbatim, while wagging her stupid old finger at us, “You need to teach him to be quiet at home, not here at church. I have four kids and they were always quiet in church and never acted like this.” Then she turned back around and we continued staring at her back, our mouths agape.

There was fire in my insides and I’m pretty sure I was shaking. I was mortified but would have also loved to punch her in her smug face.

I took James out of the church and spent the rest of the mass with him in the foyer, going over and over in my head what I wish I had said to that lady. “Well you were 20 minutes late to mass and didn’t even hear the gospel so your attendance today doesn’t even count you jerk!” or “I’m sure you remember exactly how your children behaved in church 90 years ago.” Take that! I had plenty of zingers, most of which probably can’t be mentioned here.

When we were getting ready to leave and I was zipping James’ coat up in the foyer, another elderly woman came up to me, put her palm on my cheek, and said, “He is a good little fellow, and you are doing a good job. She should probably just sit up in the front of the church next time.”

Thank you kind stranger! We needed that.

 

 

 

Product Review: Simplest Home Cabinet and Drawer Baby Locks

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We have a bin in our basement that is full of baby proofing crap; both used and unused. Doorknob covers, cabinet locks, plug covers, furniture corner covers, gates, we have it all. Andrew was kind of obsessed with baby proofing.

None of it worked great, much of it was cheap and flimsy and the kids eventually figured out how to crack them.

When we moved Reese out of her crib we needed some sort of child locks that would keep her dresser drawers shut. We were worried about her pulling them out and climbing in them, or just making a huge mess every night by emptying them, which she did a few times. We found some locks that could be installed on the inside of the drawer and then required a magnet for opening. They were a HUGE pain in the ass. The installation took forever, was extremely complicated, and we had to drill holes in our brand new dresser. Even once they were installed, sometimes I had to run the magnet over the drawer a couple of times before it actually unlocked it. It was a great idea, because it actually is childproof (as long as your kid doesn’t get a hold of a magnet), but I would never install those things on anything again.

A few months ago, I was contacted by a rep from Simplest Home and asked to review one of their baby proofing products. Because of our love/hate history with baby proofing stuff, and because lately James can pretty much get into anything he wants with ease, I was interested in what he was going to send.

And he sent me magnetic drawer locks! When I opened the package I was about to send it right back because I knew there was no way in hell I was going to talk Andrew into drilling these into another piece of our furniture. BUT, the first thing I saw on the package was, “No drilling required!” Woot.

These are awesome. We installed them in minutes and the kids can’t open the drawers (they also work on cabinets.) The package included a link to video installation directions, which we didn’t even have to use, but is always nice to have. Also, yes, you do need a magnet (they included two) to open the drawer/cabinet but if you lose the magnet that’s included, a normal refrigerator magnet also works so there really is no draw back to these locks.  Available on Amazon or on the Simplest Home website.

The Boy

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img_6570_phixrReese has taken to calling  James “the boy.” As in, “the boy is chasing me!” or “Uh-oh, the boy is awake.”

The boy is her one true frienemy. When he’s asleep she is looking for her playmate, but when he is awake it is a never-ending battle for something. Anything. The cover to the yogurt container, for example. One stick from our yard that is covered in sticks. A piece of lint off my shirt.

The boy is currently on a tour of bad behavior and is making sure he doesn’t miss any stops; the YMCA? Check. The library? Double check because he also peed on the computer chair.Target? Check. Market Basket? Check. He throws, he hits, he kicks, and he shouts, “Gimme that train!”in a voice that sounds like it came from a 400 lb trucker.

But he also has this face so it’s hard to stay mad.

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Potty Talk. Again.

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The Elmo potty is back in our lives and I feel like the manic laughter is even more annoying this time around.

I was still working when Reese was potty trained so I missed a lot, but I am a firm believer that she went when she was ready, and there probably wasn’t much I could do to change that. James had started telling us more and more that he needed to be changed or he had a poop in his diaper, so I took this to mean that he might be ready. I decided one week when we had no plans, and the weather was nice, that I would let James run around for a couple of days diaper free and see what happened.

One of my friends swore by a method that she had used to train her son, who at the time, was almost 3. It’s 2 days of no pants or diaper, and then 5 days of just pants, no underwear, and then they start wearing underwear full-time.

For two days, minus bedtime and nap time and a few quick trips out where he wore a diaper, he ran around the yard, free as a bird, going potty wherever he pleased. Anywhere that was not the potty, that is. Then after that, I started putting him in his shorts with nothing under them, hoping for the best. He still went wherever he wanted, and a few times made it to the potty. He actually had remarkable skills and was sometimes able to poop right out the leg of his shorts, without even soiling the shorts at all. The days where he wore his shorts, but not underwear or diaper is when I think it really started to click. He realized right away that his shorts were wet and didn’t like that at all, and I think that’s when he started to recognize the feeling he got when he had to go.

There are lots of messes with this method. We stayed outside as much as possible but I still felt like I was constantly cleaning up messes for the first two days. I tried to keep James out of the one carpeted room we have, but that was his preferred place for number 2’s. What makes it even harder is that whenever he was distracted (i.e. watching TV), he would go without even noticing it. So, you really have to follow your kid around all day and can’t even leave them for a minute. This method also requires lots of wine at night so be ready.

Now, two weeks later, he is in underwear for most of the day and today is the first day we took him out with underwear. I do have to sit him on the potty every now and then because he doesn’t always tell me. So if it seems like it has been a while since he went, I will sit him down and see if he has to go. He wears diapers whenever he is sleeping, and he still has accidents, and struggles with going #2 for sure. I’m pretty sure that he holds in #2 until he is in a diaper. Then he can really let loose.

I forgot to mention that anytime James went in the potty, he got an M&M. This is a sure-fire way to get my kids to do anything. I would give Reese an M&M too, so she was super invested in James’s success.

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I Used To Love Dinnertime

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This is how dinnertime is at my house. A four-year old looks at the cheese quesadilla in front of her and says that she doesn’t like chicken, or brown things!  A two-year old cries continuously for crackers. When he is placed in front of his dinner, he screams louder, throws his spoon, his cup and then his bowl.

Everyone at the table ignores him. Then he starts screaming “All done!” and starts pulling at the tablecloth. So, he is released from his confines and free to play as he pleases. Thirty minutes later, as the dishes are being cleared away, he begins crying for a “COOKIE!” Two hours later, as he’s being put into his crib he will look up at you with big, beautiful brown eyes, and have the balls to say, “I want some dinner.”

Halloween 2015

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Halloween is a big friggin’ deal when you are a kid.

This year we went to a Halloween party at a farm, a trunk-or-treat (apparently this is a thing now) at Reese’s school, a Halloween party at a playplace near our house, and then of course the normal trick-or-treating on Halloween night. We got our money’s worth out of this year’s costumes.

I have come to accept the fact that as much as I want to be a crafty person whose kids always have homemade Halloween costumes, I will never be that person. Remember last year’s attempt?

Reese had been asking to be a mermaid for weeks before Halloween. When we were at Target I saw a mermaid costume which was, unfortunately, hanging next to an Elsa costume. Once she saw the Elsa costume, the mermaid was out.

So this year, Reese was Elsa, James was a Dalmatian, and Andrew and I were the un-fun parents who don’t dress up.  FullSizeRender (4) FullSizeRender (5) FullSizeRender (6) FullSizeRender (7) FullSizeRender (8) FullSizeRender (9)

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